Over the last few weeks, I have emphasized the importance of becoming comfortable with silence. Quieting your mind. Tracking your thoughts. In essence, showing your mind who is in charge!
Last week, I mentioned the writing of Steven Covey, and the habit of beginning with the end in mind. It is simple really – write down your goals. Think of it as a “Mission Statement” about what you want to accomplish in any situation, relationship, or undertaking. After writing about this practice last week, I wrote down a mission statement for our family. I had been feeling anxious, fearful, and, well, basically grumpy, about the current status of our finances, and I allowed my mind to take me to some very unpleasant projections of the future that involved the loss of our home, the loss of all material possessions, and visions of my self, my wife, and our two kids wandering the streets and playing instruments or doing street performances for pocket change. This vision was odd in itself, because my children play the piano and cello, both of which would be difficult to transport in a life of wandering the streets. Beyond that, I have a terrible singing voice, and my wife would most likely be too shy, or too concerned about how she looked to perform after a few weeks of wandering to really give her best performance. To put it simply – my visions were not very realistic, and they certainly were not based on any reality. They were based on fear, insecurity, and letting my mind take charge. That was when I decided to write down some goals that I thought were important for our family. Here they are:
Love
Kindness
Fun
Unity
Doing our best
Learning/Seeking knowledge
Living for and staying in the moment
Exploring
Helping
Asking for help
Gratitude
This list did not take long. Five to ten minutes at most. Once I started writing, I could go back and add as I thought of new things. But by the end of my list, I had taken my mind out of the driver’s seat. I felt secure and confidant that the choices I have been making have been in alignment with these goals. I often remind parents that children and adolescents that I have worked with as a counselor and teacher rarely if ever mention the expensive toy, or the beautiful house, or the home theatre system in the houses they grew up in as the best part of their childhoods. Children remember moments of joy together. We all cherish the priceless times we have spent together. People hold memories of relationships, not material items in the highest esteem. As if I needed an extra reminder of this “which I’m sure I did,” my family was re-routed while driving last weekend to a road we had never been on, and we came a cross a small, quaint beautiful apple orchard. We stopped, and had a wonderful time picking apples together. When we were done, I decided to load the two kids and the apples into the wagon we had borrowed and give them an exciting ride down the hill to the parking lot. Can you see trouble coming yet? My wife could. Anyway, all was ging well, with the wagon bumping along down the hill, and the apples flying this way and that, and the kids screaming “faster, faster!” At least, that is what I heard them screaming – later they would claim it was, in fact “Oh no – Dad’s going to flip the wagon and kill us all!” Which I did. Well, except for the killing part. But the wagon flipped, the kids and apples sent flying down the hill. My wife, after doing a quick inspection of the still laughing children, walked briskly ahead of the crash site, pretending she did not know the now dirty, laughing kids in the flipped over wagon and their boob of a father. The kids were fine, and by the next day they had written down stories and songs about the incident that I am sure have become a part of our family legacy. The memories are truly in the moments. I’m planning to have my wife and kids add to our family mission statement, and I am hoping the kids will agree to make a picture of our goals so that I can frame it, hang it up, and look at it everyday. I need to be reminded of what is really important. I need that regularly.
I wish I had made my dream of a go cart into a reality. I wish I had written the goal down. I wish I had asked my parents about it. I wish I had investigated, saved my money, and seized opportunities that were available at that time. I remember being very jealous of my friend whose older brother gave him a go cart. “He gets everything handed to him” I thought. “He gets everything he wants,” my mind told me. The truth was that he made the most out of an opportunity, and he worked hard to maintain his goal. I have to remember that as an adult, when I see other people who seem to have things “given to them”. There is always work involved. There are very few, if any, free rides. Achieving and maintaining goals takes work. My other friend made the opportunity to reach his goal. He dared to ask his parents – he risked rejection. He took the necessary steps to achieve his goal. Most of us has a pretty good idea of what we want. The next step is to write those things down. Don’t wait. Get in the game.
I continue to daydream. It helps with the boredom of grown up life. I also believe that the energy put out in the wanting, in the asking, draws that which we ask for closer. Many self help philosophies state this as well. To quote the Bible, which I consider to be the standard in self help philosophy: ” Ask and you shall receive; seek and you shall find; knock and the door shall be opened to you.” I was recently reminded by a friend that all of these statements involve actions – they do not say “dream and it shall be yours.” That is a good point. But the process often starts with a dream, or a thought, or a want. I believe that a certain amount of dreaming, of visions, of energy and passion toward a goal is healthy and does in fact bring what you want closer. I am an advocate of stacking the odds in your favor for achieving what you want. Dare to dream – then write those dreams down. Then take that first step towards achieving those goals…
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