October 24th of this year marks 15 years of marriage to my wife “and 24 years since we first met”! Although our lives are wonderfully hectic right now, I wanted to take a moment and name the first 15 things that come to mind about why I love Suzanne Kellett Farr, and why I love the life we have built together:
1. She’s cool “and beautiful” – I knew these things from the first time I met her on an exchange program in England in 1990, and initially we had a flirtatious competition about who was cooler. She won every time “although I may not have told her”. I am extremely lucky to have been hanging out with the prettiest, coolest girl on campus ever since!
2. We’ve grown together – and no, I don’t mean physically “although she dropped the extra weight after having our two kids far quicker than I did”! Believe it or not, I was once a bit immature. And so was she. I have seen similar crevices of immature behaviors develop into chasms in some relationships over the course of time, and eventually two people are completely divided and wondering what they ever had in common. I feel blessed to be as close if not closer to my bride now as I did on our wedding day.
3. She “gets” me – my wife may not always like my decisions, or even agree with them, but she understands me more than anyone else “maybe even myself”. I have heard the word intimacy broken down and defined further as “ in to me see”. Suzanne could always see into me – and much to my surprise she has never run away screaming from what she sees in there!
4. We laugh together – death losses, unemployment, cancer, addiction, family dysfunction, problems with our kids, growing older, global warming, ceaseless, useless wars – funny stuff, right? I do not think I could get through a day of this world without at least one laugh. Luckily, she needs that, too, and has been laughing at me for a long, long time – hey, wait a minute…
5. She is a great friend – If you are sick, or tired, or need someone to listen, Suzanne is there. Growing up, I really did not think that my “Princess” would also need to be my friend. I just thought she would wear long ball gowns, glass slippers, and have great hair. I married a great friend, my best friend, and that has not changed in 15 years. Neither has her great hair.
6. We share – I have to “shout out” our own parents here, because I believe sharing is something we model from our parents. I was taught to share, and apparently she was, too. What is mine is my wife’s, and what is hers is mine. And it has always been that way. Whether it is money, responsibilities around the house, or the last chocolate chip cookie, we share everything. I never realized just how important this is, until I saw others who do not share well “see #1 and the widening chasm”.
7. She bugs me about stuff – I can’t believe how good the life I have now is. And I would never be here if my wife, my partner, my friend hadn’t bugged me, and pushed me, and told me to keep moving forward when I was tired, or frustrated, or just plain afraid that I could not do it. Another mistake I had about my Princess was that she would never bug me to grow, and push me to get outside of my comfort zone to succeed at things – I just thought she would sing and frolic in nature a lot. I am extremely grateful that my Princess has bugged me and supported me when I needed it most.
8. We have faith – all those things I mentioned before, the not so funny things, are really, really scary at times. But we have faith. True faith. Shared faith. Some of the most spiritual times our family has spent together has been in the woods, or on a mountain top, or broken down on day 24 of our cross country journey in the VW Camper. As long as we are together – as long as we stick together, and remember God wants us together, our faith keeps getting us through. Suzanne has given me faith.
9. She’s adventurous – the VW breakdown is just one story in a long, long, list of our adventures as a couple “ask her about riding the on the edge of the cliff in SPAC sometime”. Sitting on the couch at home is great, and cozy, and fun. But so are the countless sporadic, spontaneous, unplanned acts of mild stupidity and fear facing that we have done together over the years.
10. We don’t go to bed angry – Suzanne has taught me that silence doesn’t work well in a marriage. She forces me to talk things out. And that sure seems to work better than ignoring a problem and hoping it will go away. As far back as the Bible, the philosophy of not going to bed angry has been suggested as a way to healthier relationships. And guess what? It’s true. Silence never works – it feeds the elephant in the room and widens the distance of the chasm. My wife makes me talk sometimes, and yell sometimes, and feel sometimes, and through it all we get closer.
11. She can design on a dime – we decided some time ago to stop telling all of our houseguests “and that came from the trash,” when they complimented my wife’s decorations because it seemed to alarm several of them. My wife is a genius in many senses of the word, but her ability to make our house, and yard, and wardrobe, things of wonder and beauty is truly amazing. And she does it all on a dime!
12. We are what we are – At the risk of being a braggart, Suzanne and I are often told how “wonderful” our two kids are, and asked for the secret behind our parenting success. After mulling this over, and recognizing that it may not just be “dumb luck,” I would have to say that my wife and I are both sincere people. Authentic people. What you see is what you get. I learned much of this from her over our years together, and I have come to hope that it might be the greatest legacy we leave to our kids – to simply be who you are and to work on being comfortable in your own skin.
13. She loves completely – I have always been reserved in my nature, holding back on most emotions, especially those that require a high level of feeling and vulnerability. I admire and love that part of my bride that can feel and give and love completely. She has certainly done it with me, and all of my glaring flaws and scars and ugly bits. Her capacity to love has been a cornerstone of hope and growth for me.
14. We are “usually” grateful for the little things – I’ve heard that new cars are great, so are new houses, new clothes, and new toys of all kinds. It’s not money that the Bible says is the root of all evil, but the love of money that leads people astray. Most of the time, we get this “see # 11 Designing on a Dime”. Our used, leaky cars, and the older, creaky house, and the bargain basement or second hand furniture and clothes are all fine – really just fine. From the start of “us,” my wife and I were able to recognize that the things that truly matter are those that will never be purchased, or leased, or bought on credit. The only truly “priceless” thing we have on this earth is our brief time here, and we are rich beyond measure in how we spend that.
15. She’s the one – looking back on the long, winding, road of our lives together, I can’t imagine sharing the good times and getting through the bad without her at my side. She is the one that I want, and need, and love to be spending this wonderful life with. I love you then, now, and forever, Suzanne!
This is beautiful! Happy Anniversary! Have a great trip!
Well I knew you both when you both met and I got the feeling those many years ago that this was something special. Obviously this turned out to be the case by the grace of God. I hope you have many more reasons to write this sort of story in future. Love from across the waves. GB.
hi brian–what a beautiful testament to your wife, marriage and life together as you celebrate another year. It is a huge accomplishment for those who have the faith to stick together and try to be better and more appreciative each day. we are only here for a very short time…enjoy!!
Love is patient. Love is kind. And if you are VERY LUCKY, love is fun. God bless you all now and forever.
What a lovely tribute to your wife and a testament to the love you have for one another. Beautifully written and very sincere. Thank you for sharing. God bless you both, today and always. Happy anniversary!