You won’t be receiving our annual Christmas/non-specific politically correct holiday card sent with love from The Farr Family this year.
But it doesn’t mean we don’t love you. And it doesn’t mean we’re getting divorced or going through such a rough time in our lives that we couldn’t muster up enough strength to send out the dreadful things.
The simple truth is that our kids suggested that we take some money normally spent on materialistic traditions during this time of year and use it to perform various random acts of kindness around the community. Suzanne and I liked their idea so much, that we also put up the generations old artificial Christmas Tree and used the money we would spend on a fresh cut tree to “Pay it Forward” with other acts of kindness. I will not give the details about how we gave the money away because telling about these things always seems to take away from the deeper fulfillment of giving and being quiet about it. But I will say that it was awesome – the best “natural high” I have felt in years!
But back to the main reason for my writing this piece. And that is to reassure you that all is well in the Farr house despite the lack of Christmas/non-specific politically correct holiday greetings in your collective mailboxes. Because, to be quite frank, if I did not receive a card from your family, I would be the first person to comment on why that might have happened, and my comments would most likely include how your lives must be completely falling apart to ignore the tremendous social pressures I have always felt to get those things out, and to turn your backs on such an important cultural tradition. The conversation between me and my wife normally goes like this:
Suzanne: “Do you know if we got a card from The Smiths this year?”
Me: “No. I don’t think we did. Maybe they are getting divorced.”
Suzanne: “I don’t think so. I saw Mrs. Smith last month and she talked about celebrating their 25th Wedding Anniversary recently.”
Me: “Maybe they went bankrupt, then. Some people really over spend on those anniversary celebrations.”
Suzanne: “Or maybe they just decided not to send cards this year?”
Me: “Well, if that’s true, then it’s their fault that now everyone thinks their lives are falling apart. Don’t they know that all happy, healthy people are obligated to send cards at this time of year? I’m pretty sure it’s a law or something.”
And that is the ugly truth about myself. My name is Brian, and I make wild assumptions about people and families based on their Christmas/non-specific politically correct holiday cards. I also confess to being the driving force in my family for sending the annual cards, and my only reason for doing it is simply because I have been afraid not to. I mean, everyone else does it, so I need to as well. My participation in the Christmas/non-denominational politically correct holiday greeting card sending has been more about feeling the peer pressure “or maybe it’s postal peer pressure” than the sincere desire to spread tidings of comfort, joy, and Yuletide merry. But I think I have finally broken free of this mad thinking. I didn’t jump off the bridge this year – even when I saw everyone else doing it.
And since I am “keeping it real,” it is only fair to tell you that my judgments have never stopped at whether or not a card was sent. I have set standards and strict rules for what should be included in these messages. The “postcard style” is most acceptable for families with children. It should be clear that the card was made on your computer and sent to some local store to pick up. Typos are inexcusable, but there may be some smudging or smearing in the print that happened during the process – this can actually be quite endearing. We certainly don’t need to know if the paper was recycled from animal and environmentally friendly tofu byproducts, and each address should definitely be handwritten on the envelope – no computer assistance here please. The message should be simple – no more that 9 – 10 words. “Wishing you and yours a peaceful/joyful/wonderful holiday – Love, The Farrs” is fine. Keep it simple with these cards. The picture(s) is really the main event anyways, so let’s just get to it and see how everyone held up over the last year. If we can’t tell who you are by looking at the picture, there are much bigger problems going on at home than what you wrote in the salutation line.
There are two acceptable types of photos on these cards; the first is one simple photo of the entire family at a time over the last year that was significant for family bonding. Normal scenes include a beach, or a mountain top, or on location at some family fun spot regardless of if it was just up the road or standing with Mickey and Minnie. The parent(s) must be included in this photo – to only send a picture of your kid(s) is lame and unacceptable and will cause immediate speculation of what could possibly be wrong. If your hesitation is simply that you cannot believe how old and overweight the person in your mirror is looking, you need to take the picture anyway. This isn’t supposed to be fun, or flattering to you, and the assumptions about why you didn’t get in the picture will always be worse.
The other “and my preferred type” of Holiday post card is one that includes a montage of photos from the year, with at least four pictures including one from each season . Having only your kid(s) in most of these pictures is fine, and you can include the family pet(s) in a few of these. I prefer that these pictures are not professionally done, because no one ever looks natural in those things, but when choosing your non-posed pictures, please make sure that the kid(s) eyes are at least open in each shot, that their hair and over all grooming is appropriate for the card “no boogers please,” and that they are not wearing clothing that glamorizes death jam bands or marijuana/cocaine use. Nothing screams “just pick some pictures and print the stupid things out” like a Christmas/non-denominational politically correct holiday greeting card of your kids standing in front of the Porta-Potties at this year’s county fair tractor pull with their eyes closed and half eaten corn dog smeared on their dirty tee shirts. The parents also need to be in at least one photo with the children in this style of card, but you are allowed to hide most of your body with only the head and face showing – and even then you will probably think you look old and fat, but the recipients will only think you look older and fatter if you’re not in at least one picture, so suck in your gut, throw away the corn dog and get in there.
Once your children have left home, you no longer need to send the postcard type greetings, and in fact, I’d prefer you did not. The truth is that once kids leave the nest, the parent(s) often look healthier – thinner, and younger, and the places they go each year are more exotic with fewer tents, and bugs and sticky old picnic tables in the background of the photos. But us parents still in the thick of things don’t want to see this, and your photo(s) standing together – completely kidless – on the veranda of that quaint French chalet you rented looking over the Alps will be highly resented by your friends and family members who are fighting the crowds at Walmart on Black Friday to get ten dollars off on the newest tickle me Elmo. So please leave the pictures out. Buying the fancy cards that are made from animal and environmentally friendly tofu byproducts at the small boutique where you never have to wait in line and writing each one out with personalized greetings is more than enough to get your point across. But please spare us the pictures. You are doing well. Life is good. You lived through the kid years. We all get it. No need to kick everyone when we are down by sending photos of life on the other side.
Have you gotten an idea of how sick and twisted my judgments are yet? Trust me when I say that I will always be the last one to defend my own crazy thinking – years of sobriety and therapy have taught me that many of my thoughts are not “mainstream”. But on this particular issue I can’t help but think that I am not the only one who determines the health and well being of a family system based entirely on a single piece of mail that comes “or does not come” one time a year. And I also will continue to believe that some people, like myself, often continue certain traditions at this time of year simply because “everyone else is doing it.”
I really do like the cards and the greetings that come through the mail. And I truly love this time of year. There is something about it – a spirit that prevails above our materialistic madness if we only slow down, get quiet, and listen for it. I sense it in the falling snow, and the glow of Christmas lights at night, and in kids dashing out the door and into the cold, snowy splendor. I truly do hope that everyone has a blessed, healthy Christmas/non-denominational politically correct holiday and a great start to 2015. We all have much to be thankful for, and much to give to each other. I am so grateful that my kids are able to see that this is the true “spirit” of this time of year, and my hope is that they always embrace and share their giving and loving natures with others – at any time of year. Perhaps if they do, “everyone else will” as well…
I love this, Brian – they could be my words (except for “cold, snowy slendor” – really? Sounds like a John Denver song – made me smile). I succumb to the pressure and send cards out each year. Biggest struggle? On whose cards do I sign “Love,” on? OMG – what if I do? Will they think I’m a pathetic, desperate, clingy annoyance? If I don’t, will they think I don’t like them and be offended? Should I wait to see how they sign their card to us? So silly, for sure! But I will admit that I look forward to the mail each day and opening the cards we receive. Jeff is doing our cards this year – if you want one, please send me your address, the correct spelling of your family members, including pets, and whether or not you would like him to put “love” on the card. I will advise him accordingly. :o)
JoAnn – thanks for the comments, and spread the love, lady! I definitely want a card from you two, and there had better be at least one cat in the picture! I’ll send you our address!
Brian, I’m glad you are, at least for the year, free of the weight of winter holiday cards. I will be looking forward to a mid- summer seasonal card however 🙂
Merry Christmas/ non denominational greeting to you and your family!
Love this, Brian. My sentiments, exactly. This week someone I do not know did a beautiful random act of kindness for me and, believe me, I am passing it forward.
Carol
Thanks Karen! All the best to you and yours – I’m glad your journey brought you home to the Great Northeast – I can think of no better place or better people!
Hi Carol! Paying it forward is really a “high”! I do believe that we need to give some things away in order to keep them!! All the best for the holidays.
Merry Christmas Wishes to the Farr’s family and All the Best and stay Safe on this Christmas Holidays Love, Cousin Johnny